I have Bi-polar II, which means have extreme lows but instead of full-blown mania I experience what is referred to as hypomania. It's hard for me to describe what my moods are like sometimes when I go through my phases. Unless you've been there, it's even harder to understand. To help my family and to communicate with my Dr. better, I came up with a sort of Bi-Polar code:
The Color Days
Audrey Hepburn helped with these in Breakfast at Tiffany's
Mean Reds ~ "Suddenly you’re afraid and you don't know what you’re afraid of" ( for me when I get afraid I react to most people and situations with anger)
Purple ~ my own invention and you guessed it, a mix of blue and red.
⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱
Leaving Reality Behind
Apparently this is actually a ‘syndrome’ and may relate
directly to my migraines instead of my Bi-Polar. Whatever it is, it’s intense. You might actually wonder if Lewis Carroll himself
had this going on. Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t an acid trip after all.
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Falling Past the Rabbit Hole ~ I’ve only truly been here once. It was my rock bottom before getting help and
a diagnosis of Bi-polar. This is
basically the worst despair you could ever imagine. I slept for an entire week. No food.
My husband would bring me water to drink and I wouldn’t even touch
it. I can’t even remember getting up to
go to the bathroom that week. Of course
I had nothing in my body to come out. I
became dehydrated and went into withdrawals from not taking my regular
medications. I ended up in the
hospital. I never want to reach this
point again and fight it with everything in me when I feel myself falling……
⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱
Hakuna Matata ~ Okay
this is a song from a movie and not
the actual movie but several movies and TV shows follow under this category. Basically this is my hypomania stage. During this time I will most likely be
singing Hakuna Matata, This is Me or any
other song by Laurie Berkner. Hmm, maybe
I should start calling this a Laurie Berkner day. Anyway, on these days I am likely to decide
to clean out the garage ~ we use our garage as storage not for the cars so it’s
pretty insane. I have been known to scrub
every inch of the bathroom to the point that I am using a toothbrush to get
every crevice. Maybe, I’ll reorganize
the kitchen cupboards….my husband has close to 100 spices and they all need to
be set in their own category, by size of container, frequency of use and alphabetically. Of course I have to go to the store first to
get plastic containers because I don’t like the way the bags that the sugar,
flour, rice and beans are in. Then when
I get to the store…..okay so I am renaming this to my A.D.O.S.! Day. (Attention Deff....oh shiny!) Basically, extra energy and all over the
place with my thoughts into overdrive.
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My mind races most days even if I’m not having an A.D.O.S.
day. Besides the Bi-Polar, I also have
Fibromyalgia. This means on a ‘normal’
day my mind wants me to be doing something but my body won’t let me. After I’ve come down from a hypomania
episode, I feel as though I have been run over by a train. It takes days for me
to physically recover. I also deal with
migraines, endometriosis, low blood sugar and various other physical crude. Yep, I’m a mess. Even so, I am making a concentrated effort to
managing my world. While looking for
pictures to put with this post I came across a poem entitled ‘I Fell Down The
Rabbit Hole’. After reading it I felt as
if it was written just for me. It was so
on spot. Seems like I’m not the only one
following the white rabbit.
⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱*´¨`*⊰♥⊱
Excerpt from
I Fell Down The Rabbit Hole
1, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, and I won't cry
